For the past few weeks my inbox has been blown up with marketing by companies such as Hallmark, and Target. Signs appear everywhere telling you to not forget your mother, special brunches are offered at restaurants…the list goes on and on. Despite whatever the underlying intentions of these advertisements every time I see one the feeling of the crushing blow of the cruel reminder that I don’t have... Zach this year and oh yeah that it's also the 1st anniversary of Zach’s death. And it’s another holiday that I will have to spend without him and it’s so tough because I am still learning to live without him.
I could crawl into a hole and wait for the day to pass, but I honestly don’t think that’s fair to anyone, especially my Sydney and I don’t think Zach would be very pleased with his mom either. I am not going to minimize the loss either, I can’t. Zach was too big a part of my life to ever do that. I can’t and won’t just push it away. He was way too special for that. I am going to feel it, grieve it and miss him like crazy.
So Sunday I will thoroughly enjoy spending it with Sydney. (Carson will be with his mom) They are the reason I keep going each day. Actually, the best Mother’s Day gift I could ever receive is for them to live long, healthy and happy lives without heartache, disappointment or…. Disease. But as one of my favorite bloggers/author says Pain is part of what makes you who you are. Without my heartbreak I wouldn’t have and be who I am today. So this Mother’s Day I am going to celebrate the pain, celebrate that I was chosen to be mom to Zach and Sydney and celebrate that being a mother to Zach made me who I am today. I am going to try to not think of it as a day I lost my Zach, (even though I know there will be heartache and tears that day) but a day that I can always celebrate that God choose me to have this pain to see the good.
Sunday I will be having a big smile on my face knowing that through this boy’s life and my pain we are making it into something good! I will know that on Sunday May 11th, 40 moms at Gillette Children Hospital will be getting amazing gift baskets and getting that feeling that they are loved and supported! I will be smiling and thinking about the 20 moms at Fairview Ridges in Burnsville who also will be getting amazing baskets on Mother’s Day and knowing that they are loved and supported! I will be smiling and probably crying at the point when I realize that 20 PICU moms at the Children’s Hospital in NEW MEXICO will be getting showered with their baskets and knowing that they are not alone and loved, and I will be laughing, crying and smiling when I realize that 1000 books and other goodies of “Carry On Warrior” by Glennon Doyle Melton are being delivered to area hospitals, homeless shelters, recovery centers,and Churches showing warrior mom’s that they are not alone and that they “can do hard things!”
I will be shouting, crying, smiling, joyful, FULL when I realize on Sunday May 11th the one year anniversary of my Zach’s death that amazing things were happening and a whole world was “Zach Attacking” and showing other’s that one boy can change the world even after his death! That no matter what you are dealt we all can turn something so horrible into something so GOOD!
So this Sunday May 11th, Mother’s Day please help me Zach Attack and spread that boys amazing smile and help me celebrate that I was mom to one amazing kid!!
With Faith Comes Hope,
Rachele
"There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world."
Author Unknown
I could crawl into a hole and wait for the day to pass, but I honestly don’t think that’s fair to anyone, especially my Sydney and I don’t think Zach would be very pleased with his mom either. I am not going to minimize the loss either, I can’t. Zach was too big a part of my life to ever do that. I can’t and won’t just push it away. He was way too special for that. I am going to feel it, grieve it and miss him like crazy.
So Sunday I will thoroughly enjoy spending it with Sydney. (Carson will be with his mom) They are the reason I keep going each day. Actually, the best Mother’s Day gift I could ever receive is for them to live long, healthy and happy lives without heartache, disappointment or…. Disease. But as one of my favorite bloggers/author says Pain is part of what makes you who you are. Without my heartbreak I wouldn’t have and be who I am today. So this Mother’s Day I am going to celebrate the pain, celebrate that I was chosen to be mom to Zach and Sydney and celebrate that being a mother to Zach made me who I am today. I am going to try to not think of it as a day I lost my Zach, (even though I know there will be heartache and tears that day) but a day that I can always celebrate that God choose me to have this pain to see the good.
Sunday I will be having a big smile on my face knowing that through this boy’s life and my pain we are making it into something good! I will know that on Sunday May 11th, 40 moms at Gillette Children Hospital will be getting amazing gift baskets and getting that feeling that they are loved and supported! I will be smiling and thinking about the 20 moms at Fairview Ridges in Burnsville who also will be getting amazing baskets on Mother’s Day and knowing that they are loved and supported! I will be smiling and probably crying at the point when I realize that 20 PICU moms at the Children’s Hospital in NEW MEXICO will be getting showered with their baskets and knowing that they are not alone and loved, and I will be laughing, crying and smiling when I realize that 1000 books and other goodies of “Carry On Warrior” by Glennon Doyle Melton are being delivered to area hospitals, homeless shelters, recovery centers,and Churches showing warrior mom’s that they are not alone and that they “can do hard things!”
I will be shouting, crying, smiling, joyful, FULL when I realize on Sunday May 11th the one year anniversary of my Zach’s death that amazing things were happening and a whole world was “Zach Attacking” and showing other’s that one boy can change the world even after his death! That no matter what you are dealt we all can turn something so horrible into something so GOOD!
So this Sunday May 11th, Mother’s Day please help me Zach Attack and spread that boys amazing smile and help me celebrate that I was mom to one amazing kid!!
With Faith Comes Hope,
Rachele
"There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on this world."
Author Unknown
You inspired me to plan a Zach Attack for 58 mommas at Ronald McDonald House - Dallas. Thank you for sharing your story and for inspiring us to make a difference. We'll be thinking of you on Sunday as we spread smiles!
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